Twenty to thirty minutes. That's what I've seen work for most couples, and it's plenty for what has to happen: a processional, a welcome from the officiant, a reading or two, vows, rings, a kiss, and a recessional. A full religious service runs an hour or more, and that's fine, as long as it's on the clock and everyone downstream (the caterer, the photographer, me) knows it. What goes in beyond the required parts is where you add your personal touch.

The ceremony is the most intimate part of the day, and the choices you make here tell your guests what kind of reception is coming.

THE MUSIC COMES FIRST

The music is the ceremony's clock, so it's the first thing I ask about. Traditional or not? The same piece sounds different on strings, piano, guitar, and a recording, so listen to versions, not titles. If nontraditional is your thing, go wild. An entrance song for whoever walks in first with the officiant sets a real good tone. Make sure you have your selections down.

THE TOUCHES THAT WORK

Your own vows. Short or long, a list of things you love about each other or a promise in your own words. Read them from paper, not a phone.

A reading by someone outside the wedding party. The best way to include a person who didn't make the party. The Bible, Shakespeare, a poem.

Love letters. At a ceremony I did, the couple wrote letters to each other and had the two people standing up with them read the letters aloud. Hundreds of guests. The microphones mattered as much as the letters.

A singer. A friend or family member who can sing (well). Plan the mic and where they stand with your director, and get a sound check in before guests arrive.

Handfasting. The officiant binds your hands with a cord, one wrap per promise. Old, simple, and it photographs.

Unity candle, or sand. Outdoors, the wind wins: hurricane covers, matches and a lighter, and light from a votive on the table. If candles won't survive the site, the sand ceremony does the same job with two colors poured into one clear vessel, and kids or stepchildren can pour too.

Promises to stepchildren. A short promise read to them, and something to keep (a medallion, a bracelet). Nothing else that day includes a kid the same way.

Roses to your parents, and a moment for the departed. A long-stemmed rose to whoever raised you. A lit candle or an empty chair with flowers for the people who should be there, with a song that was theirs playing quietly.

A bagpiper. Don't worry about amplification; they are very loud.

The receiving line, done in the aisle. Receiving lines eat twenty or thirty minutes. Greet people as they leave their rows instead, or wait just outside the doors. People keep it short with a line behind them.

Every one of these has a song under it.

HOW I RUN IT

If I'm doing ceremony sound, prelude on at minus twenty, soft. A lapel mic on the officiant, a handheld for the readers, a stand for the singer; outdoors, windscreens on everything and power confirmed. One person cues, the coordinator or me, never three people waving.

Family seated on a cue. The wedding party walks. Then your entrance song, and this is the whole job: I start it on the door, not on the walk, because a song with a long soft intro started early puts you halfway down the aisle before the melody. The officiant sets the pace; I follow. The recessional hits on the kiss, then the phones-back-on line if you chose an unplugged ceremony.

The DJ Sheet is where all of this gets written down: every ceremony cue in order, the song, who cues it, and the mic each person needs.

THE PAPERWORK, IN ONE BREATH

Two Massachusetts facts, as reminders. The two of you file the notice of intention together with the clerk of any city or town in the state at least three days before the wedding (Sundays and holidays count), and the license is only good for sixty days from the day you filed. And if you want a friend to marry you, the Governor's office can designate a person to solemnize one particular marriage on one particular date. Put both on the week-of list.

WHAT USUALLY GOES WRONG HERE

  • A song with a forty-second intro and a walk that starts on the first note. Tell me where the melody comes in.
  • A reader holding the microphone at their belt. I hand it over and say "at your chin."
  • A 4:00 ceremony in November that ends in the dark. The light article has the sunset times.

QUESTIONS I GET ASKED

How long should the ceremony be?

Twenty to thirty minutes for most; an hour or more for a full religious service.

Do we need microphones?

Past about forty guests, or anywhere outdoors, yes. The officiant and the readers at minimum.

How many personal touches is too many?

Two or three. Each adds three to five minutes, and the reception is waiting.

Pick what means something to the two of you, put a song under it, and plan enough to pull it off. The ceremony gets one take, and it's the one everybody came for.

Thanks! Chuck