Which reception traditions should you keep, skip, or change? Keep the ones you would miss, skip the ones you are doing because someone expects it, and change anything that does not fit the two of you. There is no longer any right or wrong way to choose the events of your reception, and anyone who insists there is has not been in a room lately. Traditional does not mean required, not by any means. It's your wedding, don't be afraid to say no. Every event below carries the questions to answer before the day, plus what it costs in minutes, because each one is time that comes out of the dance floor. Some feel like requirements when they are anything but. Family pressure is real. So is your answer.

COCKTAIL HOUR

Will you have one? Most weddings do. What will your guests eat and drink, what plays in the background, and where are the two of you while it happens? The bar is your call: an open bar is a gift to your guests and an expensive one, and a limited bar or a dry wedding is a perfectly good wedding too. A room does not need alcohol to loosen up if the music is doing its job. Sixty minutes, and it covers your photos.

TOASTS AND THE BLESSING

Will you have formal toasts? Most weddings do. Usually one or two of the people closest to you, sometimes a parent. Anticipate the number of speakers and the length, tell your entertainment, and make sure someone gets each speaker a cue and a mic. Two speakers at four minutes is ten; past fifteen the room checks out. Will there be a blessing before the meal, or a welcome from a parent or from the two of you? Who gives it, and how long? Five minutes, and they should be as prepared as the toast givers.

DINNER

Plated or buffet, stations or family style, or a cocktail-style reception with no seated meal? How many courses? If it's a buffet, how many lines, and in what order are the tables released? How long does it take your caterer to feed everyone? Find out. It is the biggest block on the clock, forty-five to seventy-five minutes depending on the style and your count.

SPECIAL DANCES

Is there a first dance? Parent dances, and with whom? A parent dance is with a parent or whoever you choose, and there is no rule that says two. Have you picked the songs? Full length or edited? When do they happen? Five minutes each, or five for one shared parent song.

THE CAKE

A formal cutting, or dessert some other way? When, and what plays? Do guests stay seated or gather around? Are you feeding each other nicely, or is it going in someone's face (let your partner know)? Who makes sure the knife and the plates are on the table at the moment you cut? Five minutes, about a half hour after the last plate.

MONEY DANCE

Are you having one? Both of you or one of you? What do you call it, who collects, when does it happen, and to what kind of music? It runs thirty to forty-five seconds a person, so twenty people is about fifteen minutes, and it is one of the few events families keep for reasons worth respecting.

BOUQUET AND GARTER

A toss, a presentation to someone special, or an anniversary dance to find the longest-married couple in the room? What music, and who comes to the floor: everyone, or whoever wants to? The garter is optional; skip it if it is not you, and the room will not miss it. Ten minutes for a toss, five for the garter.

LAST DANCE AND SEND-OFF

Is the last dance the two of you alone or everyone in? If there is a send-off, do your guests need instructions, and are you handing them something (bubbles, petals, wands, whatever the venue allows)? Five minutes for the last song, ten for the send-off, and it has to finish before the venue's out time.

THE NEWER ONES

Centerpiece giveaway: an activity, or low key? A slideshow: how long, who is making it, is there a screen, and did anyone test the file in the actual room? A special song or a group performance: how many people, and when? An unplugged ceremony and a phone policy: what are you asking, and who says it? Guest photo sharing, a livestream for the people who can't travel, late-night food, an after-party: each is a decision, and each has its own article in this guide.

COMBINING EVENTS

If you have limited time, or you want more dancing at the end, combine. Common practice here on the East Coast: the grand entrance runs straight into the first dance. Some couples combine the parent dances into one song; pick something moderate that is not written for one parent in particular, and decide whether you both start together or one joins partway.

Mark every event keep, skip, or maybe in the picker below. It shows what your choices cost in minutes and hands the kept ones to the Run of Show, so the night is built from your list, not mine.

Get as much information as you can, plan as best you can, and hold on to the best ideas rather than all of the good ones.

Thanks! Chuck