Cut the cake about a half hour after the last dinner plate is cleared. Not the minute dessert would normally come, and not at the end of the night. That half hour is the rule I have used for twenty years, and here's why: cake served right on top of dinner goes back to the kitchen untouched, because everyone is still full. Give people a few songs on the floor, and they develop a sweet tooth on schedule.

The cutting itself takes five minutes when it's planned, and it reliably eats twenty when it isn't. In this one: the clock, the history, and what to do if you'd rather not have a cake at all.

The cake cutting is older than almost anything else on your agenda. The story goes back to Rome, where a cake of grain was broken over the newlywed's head for luck and the guests scrambled for the crumbs. Today it's the dessert to your first meal as a married couple, and one of the few moments your guests will actively refuse to miss.

WHEN TO CUT IT

My order after dinner: the plates come off, the floor opens for a few songs, the cake gets cut, and then the parent dances happen right away, while everyone is still standing there watching (see Special Dances). The cake pulls the whole room to one spot, and I use that.

Cut it too early and the cake is wasted. Cut it too late and some guests have already left, because to a certain kind of guest the cake means "nothing left to miss." When the room is entertained, that guest stays. When it isn't, no cake placement saves you. The cake card in Choosing Your Events lets you place it in the night and shows the five minutes it costs.

WHAT I'M DOING

I make sure the photographer and whoever is capturing content are in position before I say a word on the mic. Then I announce it, the caterer already has the knife and the plates at the table, I play your song under it, the two of you cut and feed each other, and the kitchen takes the cake to the back to slice while I move straight into the parent dances. Five minutes.

THE FEEDING

Gently, or a face full of frosting: decide together before the day, and tell each other the truth. Your guests will push for the frosting. I have watched a lot of couples make that call in the moment, and the ones who agreed ahead of time are the ones laughing in the photos.

MAKE IT MORE THAN DESSERT

  • A second cake. Down South a second, themed cake is common at a wedding. Here in New England I don't see many, but I've seen a surfboard, a tuxedo, and a Red Sox cap. Tell your MC it's coming so they can explain it and play something for it.
  • Honor a birthday or an anniversary. If a guest has one on your date, the MC brings them up for the second slice, a candle goes in it, and the room sings. Thirty seconds, and that guest talks about it for years.
  • A small cake and a sheet cake. Cut a small cake for the moment and the photos; the kitchen serves from sheet cakes in the back. Nobody knows, and the baker's best work sits where people see it.

IF YOU WOULD RATHER NOT HAVE A CAKE

Plenty of couples don't. A dessert table, a pie table, a donut wall, a sundae bar, late-night food when the bar slows down: all of it works, and all of it still benefits from one moment where you cut something together, even a single cupcake from opposite sides, because the room wants that picture.

Two things to ask your venue before you decide: whether they charge to cut and plate a cake from an outside bakery, and where the dessert sits during the meal (a cake by a sunny window in July is a lesson you only learn once).

WHAT USUALLY GOES WRONG HERE

Nobody knows where the knife is (it lives in your reception box; see The Week Of). The caterer didn't know the time. The photographer stepped out because nobody told them it was happening. The cake was served at the end of dinner and half of it came back. Every one of those is a line on the run of show.

QUESTIONS I GET ASKED

Can we cut the cake right after the first dance?

You can, and some couples do it to get the formalities done early. It works if you plan for it, but you lose the pull it gives the room later in the night.

Do we need a song for it?

Yes, something you like at a low volume, because it's five minutes of the room looking at you with nothing else to listen to. Put it on the DJ Sheet.

Who brings the knife?

Usually you, in the reception box, unless the venue provides one. Ask, and then check the box the night before.

There's no shortage of ways to make the cake cutting memorable. The goal is the same as always: entertain and involve your guests, and have them talking about your wedding for years to come.

Thanks! Chuck