One song each, and not necessarily the whole song. Two and a half to three minutes is plenty for a first dance; I can fade wherever you tell me, and most couples are glad I did. The parent dances, the same. Where they go: the first dance straight out of the grand entrance, while the room is still on its feet (that's the East Coast habit, and I like it), and the parent dances after the cake, when everyone is seated and already looking at you. Five minutes each on the clock, including the walk.
When your first dance begins, you better believe your guests are paying attention. Some are remembering their own. Some are picturing theirs. For the two of you, the world slows to half speed. And then some entertainment providers treat it like filler between the entrance and dinner. Not here. Let's talk about who you dance with, making it yours, and what I'm doing while you do.
WHO YOU DANCE WITH
Dance with whoever raised you. A parent, a stepparent, both in one song with a cut-in halfway, a grandparent, an older sibling. Or nobody. I've run every one of these, and the room doesn't care about the label; it cares that it means something to you. If you each want a parent dance, do two songs, or share one at a moderate tempo with both pairs on the floor at once. If a parent is gone, a dance in their memory with someone who loved them is one of the most moving things I see all year. And if you'd rather skip the parent dances, skip them. Traditional does not mean required.
One more, which I'd call the new-family dance: partway through, each of you dances with your partner's parent. It gets the in-laws on the floor and the room goes soft. Tell me the cue.
MAKING IT YOURS
Bubbles. Not a machine. Hand out small bottles and let your guests be the bubble machine around the floor; you get the photo with bubbles in the air and their faces as the backdrop. Buy the non-slip kind or the floor becomes a hazard.
Lessons, or a routine. Nervous about the first dance? A few lessons fix it. Some couples go further and build a routine, and if neither of you is known as a dancer, the room loses its mind.
A photo montage. Pictures of the two of you, or of each of you growing up, on a screen during the dance. It takes the eyes off you if you'd rather that. It needs a screen, a tested file with the audio in it, and a run-through before guests arrive.
Invite others in. Some people are genuinely uncomfortable with a whole song alone. After about a minute, I can invite the wedding party in, then everyone. During the parent dances, I can invite every parent and child in the room out after the first minute. Staggered by category (family, out-of-towners, everyone), it walks the room straight into open dancing.
The path to the floor. A parent with a walker, a grandparent who can't stand for long: tell me, and the dance happens at the edge of the floor or right at the table, with the song and the mic brought to them. Nobody gets left out of this because of thirty feet of carpet.
HOW I CUE IT
I start the song when you're at the center of the floor, not when you leave your seats. I know the fade point because you told me, and I fade on a phrase, not in the middle of a word. If there's an invite, I have the line ready at the minute mark. When the last note lands, I go straight to the next thing: no dead air. For the parent dances, I announce both pairs at once, I watch for the moment (there's always a moment), and I fade where you asked.
The DJ Sheet's dances page holds the song, the version, the fade point, and who joins in and when, for the first dance, the parent dances, and the last song.
WHAT USUALLY GOES WRONG HERE
- The full five-minute song. Nobody wants to sway for five minutes in front of 150 people. Give me a fade.
- A song with a long intro and a couple standing still through it. Tell me where the melody comes in.
- A parent who didn't know they were dancing. Tell them. Tell them the song, too.
- The montage plays with no sound. Test the file on the actual screen.
QUESTIONS I GET ASKED
How long should the first dance be?
Two and a half to three minutes on the floor, five on the clock with the walk.
Can we combine the parent dances?
Yes. One moderate song, both pairs, and pick a song that isn't written for one parent in particular.
Where do the parent dances go?
After the cake, before open dancing. The room is seated and already watching.
The special dances are your chance to include the wedding party, the people who raised you, or the whole room. Pick the song, pick the fade, tell me who joins and when, and it becomes the moment your guests remember, not the one they sat through.
Thanks! Chuck